Life Changing

So, I've clearly been putting this post off, but here goes.

On 2nd June this year, my 15 year relationship ended.

I had little warning (imagine 2-3 weeks of realising something wasn't right - that's about the extent of it), before it all came to a head and I was told by my best friend and love of my life that his feelings for me had changed and that he had to be alone.  It was over.

No hope.  

It's so hard writing those words down.  No hope.  It's probably the part that kills me the most.

And caught up in all of this of course is my little guy, Felix.  16 months old, and his parents are separated.  It still makes me feel ill when I think about that fact.

So my plans of being a stay at home mum are dashed.  Work must be returned to.  Felix must be found a place in childcare.  I'm by no means anti-childcare.  It just wasn't part of my (our) plans for sometime yet.

I never imagined being 34, unloved, and un-partnered.  We were in it for the long haul.  We were the most amazing team I knew.  Family and friends are stunned.

So now I just have to look ahead.  To try to salvage something out of this mess.  To be the best role model possible for my little guy.  To work hard, to love hard, to rebuild, and grow.

I haven't been alone since I was 19 years old.

To say I'm scared is an understatement.

I'm just the girl who always wanted to be loved more than anything else in the world.